Personal

Am I depressed?

Last week I have posted a short Spoken Word Poetry Video in which I address the feelings that can come up by having suicide thoughts and by being depressed.

The video is not directly created through my own personal thoughts, but it is a reflection of a very close person in my life. And because of what that person is going through, it has been also affecting me directly.

I see myself as a very empathic person, sometimes maybe too much. It is just super important for me to understand what other people might be feeling or seeing. Since sometimes we are way to self centred.

Anyways, lately I have realised that even though this poem is about someone else’s feelings, I do see some bits and pieces of myself in it as well. Otherwise, it would have been hard to write, right? And this got me thinking. Also because a few people told me that they have been feeling the exact same. Which even made me realise how many of us suffer from this.

I am writing this today, to remind myself, that it is okay to be broken. To not feel the best. To feel empty at times. Yes, we have the choice to control our mind. But sometimes we can not control it all. Sometimes we loose it. And even though we try harder and harder to get it back, it seems like it just disappears even more. And we blame ourselves. I blame myself.

But then I stop and realise, it is not me, it is not my fault. Not every day can be perfect, right? We sometimes need those moments, to appreciate the good ones. And also to understand that life is beautiful. And that it is controllable only to a limited amount. Sometimes we just have to let it go and trust the process. While we know we couldn’t have done more.

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